From Chaos to Calm: Creating a Better Holiday Experience for a Person with Dementia

The holidays are a time for connection and celebration—but for families caring for someone with dementia, they can also bring unique challenges. With thoughtful planning and empathy, you can reduce stress and create meaningful moments.

Perham Health’s CEO, Chuck Hofius, shares practical tips from his experience caring for a family member with dementia to help you prepare for the holidays, reduce stress for you and your loved one, make the season safe and enjoyable for everyone.

“I have worked with older adults with dementia for the last 36 years,” said Hofius. “But my real passion came after being one of the caregivers for my mom, who had dementia during the last five years of her life. You can know all the right things to do or to say in theory, but when it’s your own loved one, it’s harder. You will make mistakes. Be compassionate with yourself.”

Hofius offers these six holiday tips for caregivers supporting loved ones with dementia.

1. Simplify Your Holiday Traditions

Reduce holiday stress by simplifying traditions. Consider a smaller, more intimate gathering, switch dinner to lunch when your loved one is most alert and manage your expectations.

“The one thing that is most within your own control – yet hardest to do – is managing your own expectations,” Hofius added. “We want things to be perfect. We want to carry out the traditions our family has held for many years. But that likely isn’t realistic as dementia progresses. The first place to start is checking your own expectations.”

2. Prepare Family and Friends

Before the celebration, let guests know what changes to expect and share communication tips for dementia care. Encourage the use of name tags, provide talking points, and watch for signs of distress, such as fidgeting or restlessness. Positive interactions can make a big difference.

3. Create a Calm Holiday Environment

Set up your space for success by lowering background noise, turning off the TV, and guiding conversations so only one person speaks at a time. Ensure good lighting, comfortable temperatures, and clear walking paths. Provide a quiet space for rest and have soothing activities ready, such as listening to favorite music or watching a familiar movie.

4. Communicate with Care

Effective communication is essential in dementia care. Identify yourself, address the person by name, speak slowly and clearly, and maintain eye contact. Avoid phrases like “Don’t you remember…” and instead say, “I remember when we…” Ask one question at a time and allow plenty of time for a response. Focus on feelings rather than facts and be flexible with plans.

Hofius says, “Teach your family and guests to ask questions that don’t stress the person with dementia. For example, never ask, ‘Do you remember who I am?’ Instead, say, ‘Hi, Mom! It’s Chuck, your favorite son. You look beautiful today.’ Don’t ask, ‘Do you remember the Christmas we….?’ Rather, say. ‘My favorite Christmas was the one you took us all for a sleigh ride at your brother’s farm near Dent. What was your favorite Christmas?’ Give them plenty of time to answer. Don’t fill in the quiet gaps unless they seem agitated. If they do, move on.”

5. Focus on Joyful Engagement

Include your loved one in holiday preparations with tasks suited to their abilities, such as decorating or cooking. Play their favorite music, dance together, make crafts, or bake cookies. Offer lots of hugs, smiles, and laughter. These activities foster connection and reduce feelings of isolation.

6. Care for Yourself

Holiday stress can be overwhelming for caregivers. Accept help, take breaks, and enjoy the celebration. Ask guests to assist with errands or meal prep and capture special moments with photos and videos. Remember, caregiver self-care during the holidays is just as important.

Hofius emphasizes, “You are only a good caregiver when you take care of yourself. It’s crucial not to skip this step. And please, please ask for help. People are almost always willing to help – they just don’t know how. Ask them to bring a dish, play catch with dad, take him for a short walk, or peel potatoes. You can’t do it all yourself.”

Need more caregiver support resources?

Attend our caregiver support group. This support group provides an outlet for individuals caring for a loved one and a way to develop or expand their support system. perhamhealth.org/perham-living/caregiver-support-group/